In Limbo: Family Finding Starts

It's been a couple of weeks now since our panel approval and a bit of a strange limbo feeling since. I am well aware that we have progressed through each stage of the process pretty quickly until now, much quicker than we had anticipated in fact (given that we expected to go to panel in October!) so with everything having happened fairly rapidly for us so far, 'Family Finding' is a bit of an unknown stage without any set milestones to work towards, hence the limbo feeling.

Two weeks prior to our panel date, we received an email from our social worker asking if we would consider a brother and sister sibling group, we said yes and that we would be keen to learn more about them and see their profile (which of course we would not be able to do until we were approved) - I didn't mention this update in my last post as I wanted to wait and see what happened after panel with regards to this. It was pretty hard actually, hearing just a few short lines about 'real children' who could possibly be a mach for us and then nothing else... nothing else for almost two weeks after panel when we have since heard that they are now not a viable match for us due to changes in their current CPR (Child Permanency Report).  

In some ways we probably would have preferred not to hear anything until their situation was clear and their was a profile to swap with ours, but it seems that's not the way it's going to work and we probably need to get a bit more thick skinned during this time as there will no doubt be lots of emails, glimpses and near misses flying around during this stage. Actually, there have since been another two emails mentioning other possible matches and asking if we would like to know more, and again no profile has followed. I should point out this is in no way the fault of our social worker, she continues to be really great and proactive. I guess when she is hearing about these possible matches she is contacting us straight away as one would expect, but then not hearing anything more from the other end.

In other news... our adopters 'profile page' is now complete and has been sent to the National Adoption Register and we have also joined the Be My Parent website from BAAF where we can search profiles of children waiting to be placed. There is also a profile swap event happening in London this week where agencies and authorities from across the country will meet to swap  adopter and child profiles for possible matches. We are unable to attend in person but our profile will still be present.  I have also sent our profile off to my home town in the North East, where I know there is a high percentage of Asian children so I was keen for their family finding team to keep us in mind. I'm not sure if I have mentioned already but we are a mixed race couple and keen to explore all single or mixed heritage avenues to widen our search criteria!

That's another great thing worth a mention about Ealing Council for any perspective adopters... Unlike many/most agencies and local authorities who keep approved adopters exclusive to their own placement/family finding teams for a period of 3-6 months, Ealing actively encourage adopters to send out their profile to other agencies and to be proactive in their search. We are in the process of putting together a list of all agencies/LA's in the UK whom we will send our profile to personally over the next couple of weeks. I will make this list available via New Family Social as it will be a valuable resource.

And finally... Whilst on holiday in Italy this week we received an email from our Social Worker who finally had an actual profile for us to view and consider. We confirmed our interest to find out more and were then sent the CPR for further reading. This report is slightly out of date with an updated version expected in around 2-3 weeks time when we will read it again and decide if we think we should take further steps... Exciting times! I'll keep you updated future posts :-)

Approval Panel / Live Finals

This morning was our panel meeting and we both woke up feeling a little anxious about what was to come. We set off for the town hall in good time and met up with our social worker half an hour before our time slot for breakfast. Well... we ate breakfast and she briefed us again on what to expect and went through any possible sticking points that the panel might bring up.

We crossed the street to the town hall and made our way to the waiting area, I had already been to the little boys room twice so I passed on the tea and coffee that awaited us. We seemed to be sat for ages, at least 20 minutes after the allocated time which did nothing to settle nerves. Eventually a member of the panel came to say hello and took our social worker through to the panel room to discuss our application and question any areas where they felt more information was needed. We waited.

After another twenty minutes of pacing up and down the corridor the same chap returned and showed us to the panel room (that's where they keep the biscuits I noted) to sit alongside our social worker where we faced a crescent of ten panel members, a few of whom we recognised from our preparation group including a birth mother who came to speak with us, the manager of the adoption team for our agency and a psychologist. After they all introduced themselves the head of the panel handed over to three members who had raised questions.

It was time for us to hear their concerns and respond. A lot was resting on this and we had already decided not to get defensive and if there was any question that we didn't agree with we would humour them and answer respectfully anyway. The questions were:

1. Why had we stated on our matching application that we were not willing to consider a child with any potential attachment issues or developmental needs? Errm... we didn't say that! We have heard that the panel don't always have time to read the reports in full. I was quick to respond to this question (whilst trying to remain calm)  and corrected the lady by saying what we had actually said (I'm guessing she was the first not to have read the report) is that we are open minded and would consider each child on a case by case basis. It would be impossible to give a general yes or no when there are so many variables and every child's needs are different - we want to be realistic in what we can take on and what we can offer our child.

2. Why we had decided that my fiancée would be the one to take adoption leave from work and not me when I was supposed to be the most maternal one? Again - I don't remember at any point in our assessment saying this so we assured them that we both feel maternal in equal measure and the decision for me not to take adoption leave was because I am a business owner and it would not make financial sense for us for me to take unpaid time off when my fiancée would get a good package from his employers.

 3. As we are a mixed-race couple, how do we feel our cultural heritage and different family backgrounds would affect our ability to raise a child? Well living in West London we told the panel that our child would certainly not be the only child in such a family given the diverse ethnic community we live in.

We were asked to return to the waiting room whilst the panel discussed our answers and made their recommendation. We certainly felt that a couple of members may have not been entirely comfortable with approving same sex adopters as the questions they had asked were not direct and clear, either way we were able to answer their questions confidently and genuinely. It was only about five minutes later that the chap returned to collect us again to take our seats in front of the panel to hear their verdict. That's was it...

The head of the panel said that the panel were in full support of our application and recommended that we were approved as adopters! We did it... we are approved! We were so happy. Each member of the panel said why they supported our application and wished us well. We said thanks you to each of them and my partner said a special thanks to our social worker and told the panel how supportive and flexible she had been with us during our assessment. 

So that's it! We are through the the 'live finals' and we look forward to the next stage of the journey waiting for the stork to deliver our children..