The Final Chapter...

I can't believe its been over four months since my last blog post! Sorry for the lack of updates folks but family life has been all-consuming... which is brilliant of course and is indeed a place I hoped I would be in when I set about writing this blog.

The blog was never meant to be a daily diary for the rest of our lives as a family, but a journal of our journey through the adoption process. I am pleased that I was able to commit my thoughts and feeling to text during the process, so that my son will be able to read all about how we came to be a forever family one day when he is older. So, here is an abridged update since my last post...

Following the filing of our adoption order, the court contacted both our and our sons SW's to request the necessary paperwork from them (the Annex A report). As usual our super efficient SW had the document already to go. However the same can't be said for the other side, who not only took the maximum six weeks to return the report ready for the directions hearing, but caused a further six week delay when it turned out they hadn't event included the most critical legal consents within their report which place the child for adoption?! They even had the cheek to blame this on us!! Unbelievable.

Anyway, while all of this was going on; behind the scenes we were busy getting on with family life and adjusting to new routines all round. I have been busy getting ready to start a new business which I launched in April, Papa was getting ready to return to work and to a totally new role and our son was about to start nursery and learning to walk.

A new date was finally set for the adoption order hearing in court - the much anticipated 'Celebration Day' which we are all due to attend. Following mine and Papa's engagement in 2010 we had been talking more and more about our wedding and when/what we wanted to do. As the plan has always been for me and our son to take Papa's surname giving is one family name following the adoption order, we decided to plan our Civil Union for the same day as the adoption hearing to make a 'Family Day' of it.

Two days ago that's exactly what happened. At an intimate registry office affair with just close friends and family to whiteness our nuptials, Papa and I held our little boy and exchanged our vows and rings. Once I had taken the family name it was time to give it to one more boy and so we headed over to the courts, where our adoption order was granted and our little man finally became our son on paper. My mum was in floods of tears as we held him for photos with the judge. He was given two lovely presents by the court and we were handed a gorgeous bouquet too. We left the court as a forever family, with one single family name to unite us in the eyes of the law. We took some more photos outside of the court in the sunshine and handed both SW's a bunch of flowers, thanking them for finding our baby and giving us the most precious gift on the world.

And so dear readers, there the story ends. The Stork certainly delivered for our family, if you are going through the process yourself or thinking about it I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world and hope the Stork is heading your way very soon.

LGBT Adoption & Fostering Week

LGBT Adoption & Fostering Week will run from 20th-26th February this year for the very first time!

"Across the UK, agencies are looking for more adopters and foster carers from the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender communities, and they would love to tell you more about it at an event near you. At these events you can also hear from other LGBT people in your area who have formed families through adoption and fostering. You can learn about the children who need families, the process, and how adoption & fostering has changed people’s lives." ~ New Family Social

Anyone who has read my blog from the start will remember that our journey began in May 2010 when we attended an event at Ealing Council as part of their own 'Pink Families' campaign. Well, this year they have brought the event forward to align with  LGBT A&F Week. When we attended we were so inspired by the great speakers and their success stories, it was that evening we decided to begin this whole journey in the hope that one day having children might also happen for us.

Last month we received an email from the event organisers asking us if we would speak at this years event, having gone through the process with Ealing and been matched with our son in a relatively short time. Of course we were honoured to have been asked and can't wait to return - in many ways it feels like a good end to our own adoption journey.

So if anyone is reading this who is thinking themselves of adopting or fostering, I look forward to seeing you there and hope the event inspires you also.

Adoption Application Filed!

Today was a special day for our family as we filed the adoption application. Our son has been living at home with us for ten weeks now which means we can officially apply to adopt him. Of course we have had the paper work all filled in and printed off for the last week just waiting to be delivered to the Magistrates Court today.

The court will now process the application and contact the placing Local Authority for their full report which also contains a section from our Social Worker. All being well we should hear from them in a few weeks time with a date to attend the court again for our 'Celebration Day' when the adoption order is granted.

It feels like the final hurdle now, so exciting! Papa and I each stood with the little guy outside of the court and took some photos to add to his life story work. 

We're almost there!

Happy Birthday / Jelly & Jabs!

With our sons first Christmas (and our first one as a family) seeming like weeks ago, we were back home and starting to think about his first Birthday party. We decided not to go crazy with presents as he got so many presents at Christmas we still have a cupboard full of them which we will introduce over the next year.

Our flat is slightly on the cosy side, however we sill decided to invite a good number of friends and children to the Birthday tea party. His Nana came down to stay with us for the weekend and his Uncle, Auntie and Great Uncle (it's funny remembering your family with their new 'responsible' titles) were all coming too. We must have had about 20 people here all together so a really good turn out. Nana dressed the house with balloons and made signs to decorate the entrance outside. It has to be said though, the star attraction (aside from the birthday boy) was the birthday cake. A 1.5m long train with our sons photo placed in the driving seat and his name across the back (three carriages of sweeties back that is!!), all hand crafted by two very special friends.

But turning 1 is not all jelly and ice-cream, as a trip to the doctors for his 12 and 13 month booster injections which they now do all at the same time. He was such a brave little man though - I think Papa and I were more nervous but he only whimpered for a second as the nurse injected both his arms and one thigh. Such a good boy and he got two stickers to prove it!

Twas The Blog Before Christmas

Twas the blog before Christmas that never got done,

as the days slipped away with the child we had won.

The tree was aglow with bright sparkling lights,

Our home felt so warm with our boy sleeping tight.

Each night we wrapped gifts for old Santa's sleigh,

That our son would rip open, his first Christmas day!

Time to leave London, to meet Nana and the gang,

We drove home for Christmas as Chris Rea sang.

With the car fully loaded and warm as can be,

We drove through the night (stopping once for a wee)!

Nana was waiting, her home like a Grotto,

"Just look at my Grandson!" her new favourite motto.

Such joy and excitement a new baby brings,

Better than any gift ever brought by three Kings.

New Uncles and Aunties, Nana's and Great Nans,

All cooing and holding his cute tiny hands.

Needles to say he was spoilt like rotten,

A very special Christmas which will not to be forgotten.

He dressed as an Elf and he played with his toys,

Though cardboard boxes he favoured, like all little boys.

With baby asleep in his new dressing gown,

We pointed the Sat-Nav to old London town.

With our Forever Family home now nearly in sight,

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Jesus Had Two Daddies!

Week two has been all about settling into our new routine and coming down from the craziness of introductions and moving our son in - chance to finally see what our new family life is going to be like.

I was speaking to my Nana on the phone this week and she was sympathetic to the fact that my fiance and I would not be able to go out and about meeting friends as much now we were 'with child'. In fact the truth is we have never been out so much! We have always been real homebodies anyway, but everyday this week we have had coffee or lunch dates with friends who have been dying to meet the baby. I'm sure this will slow down a little once he has met his public but at the moment we are very much enjoying being 'yummy daddies'.

In other news... We have spent the last week registering our son with all the necessary medical places and have had to explain our alternative family on four occasions so far. Obviously we expect questions to be asked here and there... I guess I have just been surprised by how soon it has happened and by the people who have been most surprised to receive us.

First up, it was off to the Doctor to register our son as a new patient. After a bit of confusion and delay in getting his medical records sent through from his SW we eventually had him registered. As he has had a bit of a cold we thought we would book an appointment straight away so our Doctor could meet him and we could have a little general check-up, we also wanted to get a prescription for his milk formula powder. We wheeled the little fella into see the Doctor and Pappa began to talk to the Doctor first. Then I spoke. "Sorry, who are you?" asked the Doctor. "I'm his dad" I replied. Maybe because our son is mixed-race the Doctor assumed that Pappa was his dad and I was just a friend. You could see the thought process going on in his head before he muttered a simple "Oh... right" and carried on.

Leaving the surgery Pappa took the baby home and I stopped off at the Pharmacy to deal with the prescription. I had managed to get the Doctor to give us a three month supply to save going every week so I handed the slip to the assistant who was unsure that the item was. He asked the Pharmacist who was quick to holler across the shop "Sir, last time you're wife collected the items the next day, can you leave it with us?". I replied saying how kind that was of her but that I didn't have a wife and left it at that.

The next day I slipped out to the Dentist while the little one was having a nap and Pappa was steeping more bibs in Milton Fluid. Since moving to our current house almost 18 months ago neither of us have registered with a local Dentist so it was a good chance to sign us all up together. The receptionist couldn't understand why when I said I wanted to register my 'family' each of us had a different sir name - I think she ended up putting us all under my name because her computer system couldn't handle such a family! My fiance and I do plan to marry in the next couple of years but I will take his sir name in advance at the same time as we officially adopt our son next year so we will have just one family name - the Dentist will be happy :-)

The final an possibly the funniest 'outing' this week has been in setting up a first appointment with a local Health Visitor. Whilst at the Doctor I took down a phone number for a local children's centre where the mobile Health Visitor is based (babies are supposed to have regular visits to check their weight and make sure they are on track and meeting their development milestones etc. See here). I called up, spoke to the receptionist with a brief overview of our situation and she said the HV would call me back. Sure enough she did and I managed to arrange an appointment before our first 'LAC Review' on Friday which she was unable to attend in person (the SW's had asked we invite our HV if possible). During the call she had taken down my name, date of birth and address and the same for Pappa and our son.

My phone rang again a few hours later - it was the HV again. She asked if I could give her our sons NHS number and also Pappa's. Whilst I was looking for their numbers, I asked if she had been able to find my NHS number since she hadn't asked me for my own. She replied "no", saying that she only needed [Pappa's name] as SHE was the mother. How I laughed! Now, Pappa does have a very unusual name which I suppose could be assumed to be female, so there was no call for me to get my 'LGBT flag' out just yet. I corrected her saying he was indeed our sons "Pappa". "Oh" she replied... then who are you? "I'm his Daddy" I informed her. After a very long (#awkward) pause she reminded me of our appointment time and signed off. How funny.

Our friends who adopted last year had already warned us that they are 'outed' by their little-ones all the time and have to 'come out' themselves to complete strangers (shop staff / cashiers / old ladies / florists) on a regular basis when their children are confronted with an adult asking "where's Mummy today?" and it's certainly something that we have to be prepared to do willingly. Not because we need to justify our family to complete strangers but because we want our son to be able to confidently reply to questions like that and not have to be embarrassed or give an excuse. Hopefully if he can see we take on those questions without delay (and without becoming defensive) with a selection of honest 'stock replies' he will feel well equipped to do the same...

...Even though I'm sure children accompanied by a single female parent are not often asked where their Daddy is?! Obviously children out in public with men are all on their way to meet Mummy at the salon! 

One week in...

We have now been a family for one whole week and we are just starting to find our feet and establish a routine as first time parents learning 'on the job'. Now I totally know what friends with children mean when they say their brains have turned to mush. I'm frazzled! 

I keep walking round starting things and never getting anything done. I put the kettle in the morning and pass it three times during the day before finding a mug and tea bag, then another two hours later I re-boil it and add some milk. Then I leave it somewhere and finally drink it cold when the little fella is having a nap - craziness! Another big change to our life is washing - the machine is literally never off! We are weaning him at the moment which means a whole outfit change after every meal (for him and us!).

One questions I have been pondering lately is "who ever thought white baby bibs were a good idea?" There seems to be a toxic orange substance in all baby food that even Vanish can't fight! God knows what it does to the baby?! I have since found the answer... Milton Fluid. Yes it's sterilising fluid, however it's very handy at removing stains from clothes AND from surfaces (like high chairs).

Alas dear readers, when I'm not moaning about the mundane I assure you I am loving every minute of parenthood, and am so so happy to have such a beautiful baby boy who has totally enriched our lives and made our house a home. Nothing beats walking into the nursery on a morning to find our little boy lying on his back in his baby grow with his hands behind his head smiling up at us. We really are gushing proud parents.

In terms of our adoption journey and the next steps...

Our SW visited us the day after move in day just to check we were all OK and to run through the next steps with us. We have a visit tomorrow from our sons SW (to check he is still alive I guess?!) and then next week we have our first LAC (Looked After Child) Review at our house with our SW, our sons SW, the family finding SW and an independent adoption worker. 

We will be apply for the Adoption Order to officially adopt our son in February (10 weeks after move in day) and then it depends on the court you apply to how long it takes them to process the application. At this stage we can give him our family name and wave goodbye to social workers and local authorities unless any of us require any post-adoption support which both authorities are responsible for, for a number of years after.

Our adoption story is not over just yet, but we are certainly heading towards the final hurdle!

A Forever Family!

Today's the day... introductions are complete, now all we have to do it collect our little prince from his Foster Carers and drive home as a Forever Family.

We woke at 5am today to arrive for 9am with instructions to wait outside of the house until our sons Social Worker was present. The plan is that there should be no waiting around, no big goodbye's, not stopping for coffee - just pick up the baby and his final bag of things and leave. I can totally understand why the team want to play it this way to avoid four sobbing adults confusing such a small child given the hard work we have all done so far to make introductions as warm and seamless as possible.

However, in reality the handover was not quite as cold. When we arrived the FC's had two balloons, cards and a big bunch of flowers for us and we also had a heartfelt letter and gift to leave for them. We went into the house briefly with the SW who took a few photos to complete the final chapters of our sons life story book and without much fuss Pappa picked the little man up, we put him into his car seat and reversed out of the driveway.

I was trying to give my full attention to the baby to avoid eye contact with the FC's as we left, because I knew I would become tearful if I looked at them. Pappa was driving but became quite emotional as we were leaving and did shed a few tears - likewise both FC's were teary, understandably so as we drove off with the little boy they had raised since he was just 8 hours old.

So 18 months after starting our adoption journey (plus 40 hours on the road during introductions!) we were finally driving home with our son - just amazing!

We were both nervous to finally have him at home and not be returning him to anyone that night but luckily he slept right through, only waking once in the night for a bottle as he usually does anyway.

... Let family life begin!

Intro Day 7: Final day of Intros

To day was the last day of introductions and luckily we didn't have to do the drive in the morning this time and the FC's brought our baby to us - again part of the 'baby psychology' plan. They were due at our place at 11am, but arrived a little earlier so as I was taking out the rubbish bags I was greeted by the FC carrying my little boy down the path in a carry cot, "Here's you're little Prince" they announced. They didn't stay as the plan for for us to return him late afternoon for the last time before returning tomorrow morning for the big handover.

After lunch the three of us took the dogs for a little walk and came home for a more relaxed afternoon than the previous days we had spent out and about. We watched cartoons, played with the dogs and some of his toys on the new rug we had bought for the lounge floor ('Anti-slip' socks have also been bought to avoid any accidents as he learns to walk on our laminate floors).

After a little nap in his nursery it was time to hit the road. On top of the usual two hour drive to return our son to his FC's this evening we were hampered with an additional hour of heavy traffic which meant the little fella had done five hours of driving today. When we arrived we changed him and dressed him for bed quickly before leaving. All week we had been taking car loads of his clothes, toys and other belongings with us and on leaving tonight we also took with us the last of his things, leaving only what he required over night so that tomorrows handover could be as quick as possible.

Tomorrow we will collect our son and bring him home forever... as a 'forever family'.

Intro Day 6: Hickory Dickory Dock

So today was the day that was supposed to be our 'day off' - a rare thing in the land of parenting I'm sure and maybe something that in a weeks time we will want back! I Joke.

We arrived at the FC's home for around 9am and our little prince was still asleep having gone back for a nap after his breakfast. We waited for about an hour and then decided it was time to give him a nudge and say hello. He is such a joy in the mornings, even when woken he greets you with a lovely smile.

Once woken, changed and dressed the three of us set off for a day of Christmas shopping. We had a really lovely day with our son, looking for a few remaining Christmas gifts for his new Nana and Uncle who both can't wait to meet him. We are looking forward to visiting my family so much this year and spending our baby's first ever Christmas with them - it's going to be so special for everyone.

We had lunch in the food court and this time it was my turn to experience the horror of juggling a baby, nappy and wet-wipes in a baby changing room... not fun.

With all of the gifts checked off the list we stopped by HMV looking for some baby friendly music for the car as becoming a parent makes you take more notie of song lyrics. A week ago I would have been singing along to Cover Drive's "Lick Ya Down" with the best of them, but I was appalled when it came on during a trip to the park yesterday. So with "The Wheels on the Bus" pumping out some 'phatt beatz' we set off back to the FC's home to return our little man for the day. 

A really cute moment on the way home... "Hickory Dickory Dock" came on and suddenly our little boy (who hadn't been that impressed by "10 Current Buns" or "Miss Polly had a Dolly") screamed with laughter and chuckled to himself for the duration of the song. Needless to say we stuck it on repeat and filmed the whole thing on our iPhones to send to the family (and show his mates when he's 21)!

A good day. 

Intro Day 5: Meeting Birth Mother

Today was the half way stage of our introductions and involved two important meetings. We arrived at the Foster Carers (FC)'s home for around 11am and took our boy out for the morning to the local park again to feed the ducks but had to return after just a couple of hours for our 'half-way review' meeting.

Present at this meeting were all the same people who had been at the initial 'introduction planning' meeting, bar our SW who didn't need to be there unless we had raised any concerns with her during the days so far - which we hadn't. The purpose of this meeting was for the Duty Manager from the placing authority to hear from our sons SW, his FC's and also the family finding SW on how the days so far had gone and what we had been up to. Of course the photo of the three of us visiting Santa was proudly presented along with our excited tales of everything we had done so far.

The FC's and ourselves had been in agreement from day two that we felt the intros could really do with being cut short a day (if nothing else to save our baby from another unnecessary four hour car journey) and our SW was in agreement given things had been going well. However the Duty Manager was not on the same page and didn't agree to this plan, unless anyone had a good reason to put forward - I did (I thought). Tomorrow was originally planned to be a 'day off' (from parenting?!) but we had since said we thought this was silly after spending five days phasing into his little life and they had agreed to let us spend time with him tomorrow. So given we were doing an extra day, that in our minds seemed reason enough to bring the final day forward... but alas it wasn't to be, and Thursday would go ahead as planned. Never mind - we would still be bringing our little prince home in just three days!

An hour later, our next meeting was the big one - meeting our sons birth Mother (BM). We followed two SW's in our own car to the meeting place, all the way thinking how this single meeting would be something we needed to remember every detail of to recount to our little one as he grows up, and how it woulds play such a key moment in our new family history.

We had prepared as much as we could for the meeting, drawing up a list of questions which we thought our son might want to ask himself. He has really great life-story work prepared by his SW's team, answering more serious and fundamental questions about family health issues / reasons for adoption etc. so we wanted to ask things that might not be answered, which he may ask us over the years to come. We asked things like "What hand do you write with?", "What's you're favourite colour?" etc etc. Silly things but things that he way want to know.

All week we were unsure if the meeting would actually go ahead as we had been told to prepare for it being cancelled if the team had news that BM had pulled out. As we sat in the children's centre waiting for her to arrive we were still not sure if she would show up, but 20 minutes late we heard the door go and footsteps followed. We were both so so nervous - do we stand to greet her, is shaking her hand to formal when she is responsible for giving us the most precious gift in the world? 

A hug seemed to familiar, so on the SW's advice we opted for the handshake and sat opposite her. Before her arrival I had asked the SW's what structure the meeting would take and checked that one of them would take a lead and introduce us to each other. We decided not to share our names with her for security purposes and instead introduced ourselves as Daddy and Pappa. The details of the short meeting (about 15-20 minutes) I'll save for a personal letter to our little boy to read in time but we got answers to all of the questions we asked and finished with a lovely photo of the three of us sat together - all smiling. And really it's this photo that Pappa and I wanted most out of the meeting, so that we can tell our boy quite honestly in the years to come that his BM met with us and is really happy that he is our son; because in her words; we are able to give him the life that she cannot.

A happy ending to the day and a strange feeling of relief as we drove home having had the last meeting.

Intro Day 4: Our son sees his new home

We were glad to have a day off from the four hour drive today, but even happier that today is the first day our little one will come to his new home, see his nursery and meet his doggies!

Taking advice from our dog trainer we decided that the dogs should first meet the baby outside of the house in a mutual environment. When we got our second dog we employed this technique to introduce him as a puppy to our first dog and it seemed to work pretty well, so when the FC's arrived with our son we had planned for them to call us and we then took the boys (dogs) out on their leads and we all went to the nearby park together. When we returned Pappa carried the little fella around the house on a guided tour which included exciting trips to the garden and of course his new nursery which Pappa and I were both very proud of - though the little one seemed most interested in the kitchen, Typical!

The FC's popped out for a few hours to do some shopping and left us alone. This was a really important part of the introduction planning meeting last week because our son will see that his FC's have left him with us in our home and are happy for him to be here - baby psycology!

While they were gone we played, had lunch and then it was time for a nap. It was so lovely to see our baby son sleeping for the first time in his new cot - just amazing to lay him down in his new nursery... a good chance to test out our new baby monitor too! Of course we kept peeping through the door every few minutes like proud parents watching him sleep. He woke just as the Fc's returned and we attempted to feed him dinner but it wasn't happening - he was refusing to eat. 

One of the most apparent things (and I'm sure other adopters of babies will have found this too) about adopting a very young child who is not yet talking is that we need to learn his language/signs/signals which the FC's have known having him from birth. He is a very content little boy and never cries for no reason, but it's a case of finding out what each type of cry means by process of elimination. If he's been fed, had a bottle, been changed, had a nap and is still crying then it may be time to worry but usually one of the latter seems to do the trick!

Intro Day 3: Visiting Santa

Today was our first full day with our son - just the three of us. We started off by visiting a local park to feed the ducks and then made a really memorable trip to see Santa (who happened to have stopped by a nearby garden centre, which was lucky). I have to say this was really emotional for both Pappa and I - I had so far  managed to hold in any tears at matching panel and even on the first meeting our boy, but carrying our son into a magical grotto to see Santa for his very first Christmas managed to break me! As we entered the grotto with all of the other families it struck me that we were now a family and we were taking our son to see Santa just like the other parents. It was such a lovely experience, we wrote a letter to Santa, made Reindeer food, sang Jingle Bells with the Elves and of course got a present and had our photo taken with Santa.

Pappa and I had a look around the garden centre while the little man had a nap and then we all had lunch in the cafe. Heating up baby jars and feeding a baby in public didn't seem like too much trouble, but changing a baby in a public toilet is another story. Pappa took the little one off one his own while I sat with the shopping and was gone for quite some time. About 20 minutes later a very flustered Pappa and son reappeared. Having changed him myself since in a similar situation I can testify its hard work, not helped by the terrible design and layout of so called 'baby changing areas'. Those pull down changing tables seriously need a re-think! There is seldom anywhere to rest your nappy bags, wet wipes, cream and some of the worse places don't even have a strap to secure the baby so it's very much a juggling act.

We returned to the FC's late afternoon to feed and change our son before enjoying a first bath time with him there. After putting him into one of his adorable baby grows and settling him down for bed we left - just time to send another round of photos and messages to family and friends.

Intro Day 2: Parent & Child Parking

We woke at 5:30am in order to reach the FC's house by 9am today. After such a lovely first day we were looking forward to spending some more time with our new son and gradually phasing into his life over the next week. He was already dressed when we arrived but we were able to feed him breakfast - he loves the little jars of baby porridge - and loves to cover us in it too!

We took the new stroller we had bought with us so that we could get him used to it and use it on any outings during the week. Just as well, because seeing that the meetings were going well and feeling pleased with the clear connection we both felt to our son straight away the FC's suggested that we take him out for an hour or so. Of course we were delighted to have our first alone. We followed the FC in our car and first went to Mothercare to have the fitting of our car seat checked over (I followed the You Tube tutorial but we wanted to have it checked given our previous new cargo), it was great to finally be able to park in the 'Parent & Child' parking spots too!

So after a little look around the shops and buying a few gifts for Christmas together we returned to the FC's house, learnt more about his day to day routine (nappy changes / feeding / sleeping etc) and lefts after loads more kisses and cuddles.

Meeting Our Son: Introductions Begin!

So after weeks of waiting, watching and re-watching DVD's sent by the foster carers and studying the same photos over and over the day finally came to meet our son...

As per our 'Introduction Planning Meeting', our first day was supposed to be a quick visit for around an hour - though in reality I'm sure all the Social Workers (SW's) realise that any parent meeting their child for the first time is never going to leave after just 60 minutes(?!), after waiting for that precious life-changing moment for such a long time.

After recording a little video message on our phone to capture our excitement during the car journey, Pappa and I arrived  at the foster carers (FC's) home just before 12pm and met our son's SW outside - she wasn't actually supposed to be present as the  FC's SW was scheduled to be present but she couldn't resist seeing him meet his new daddies having real affection for him and when we caught that first glimpse of him it's easy to understand why - he's such a cutie he melts the hearts of everyone who meets him.

Opening the door to the lounge the FC's were seated on the sofa alongside their FC, we looked down and there he was; just laying on his front playing with a toy our little prince looked so content watching a show on the television. It's a strange feeling sharing such a momentous moment with 2 FC's and 2 SW's but you have to almost forget they are watching you in order to enjoy that precious moment. I couldn't quite believe it was finally happening.

We both sat down on the floor beside him, called out his name and stroked his back and his little head - he was even smaller than we thought he would be. Just adorable. After a few minutes, and a welcome prompt from one of the FC's I picked him up in my arms. Within moments he turned around to me and nestled his head into my neck, then as I started rocking him and slowing stroking his back his eyes started to close and he fell asleep on his new Daddy. I sat in an armchair and he stayed asleep on me for a good hour.

Whilst he was sleeping the SW's left, suggested that we also leave once he wakes up (sure!). When he did finally wake up I passed the little fella to his Pappa (still waiting for his first cuddle) who was waiting with a bottle for him. He must have been hungry as he began feeding straight away in Pappa's arms - such an amazing sight seeing the two most important men in my life together for the first time.

The FC played the DVD that we had made for him to watch all of last week to become familiar with our voices as as soon as the music started playing he turned his head - it had obviously done it's job! After a little playing on the carpet with the little man we said goodbye for the day and headed off home looking forward to returning the next morning for a little longer. Time to send photos to our friends and relatives who were all on standby for news of our first meeting.

Planning Introductions

After such fantastic news neither of us could sleep following panel, I think I got 2 hours before we had to wake up and head back to the placing LA offices for our meeting to plan next weeks introductions.

We were early again which was fine as we had time to get breakfast on the way in with our SW. On arrival we met up with our sons foster carer in reception who was full of lovely little stories about what our boy had been up to the day before and how he's doing (he has two teeth already).

So, today's meeting was to look ahead to next weeks introductions where we will finally meet our son and to draw up a schedule for his transition from living with his foster carers to coming home with us. Leading the meeting was the Manager of the placing LA's adoption team, the Family Finding SW and of course us, our SW, our sons SW, the foster carer and his SW. It was decided that introductions will last exactly a week, starting next week with the first visit lasting just an hour or so. A meeting with our sons birth mother and a mid-way review were also scheduled.

At the meeting we played the DVD we had made for everyone to see which was met with high praise - along with the talking photo album this will be taken home by the foster carer for our son to see so that he can become familiar with our voices and faces ahead of next week. It was also suggested that we wear the same outfits we had worn in the DVD (should have thought more about this before we wore shorts on the sunniest day in September - hope its decent weather next week!!).

After the meeting we swapped contact details with the foster carer. It was lovely to receive an email later in the afternoon telling us that our son was having a nap - moments like this really are so precious when all we can think about is that first cuddle with our baby next week. We received a new DVD from the foster carers recently also in which our boy is having his bottle before bed, as his heavy eyes close and he drifts off to sleep the foster carers tells him how many days are left until he meets his new daddies(!) This was just such a wonderful thing for us to hear and a great thing to look back on with our son as part of his life story in the years that will follow.

Right... time to paint the nursery!

Officially Daddies

And so after weeks of sleepless nights and crossing off the days in my diary we finally awoke to Matching Panel Day. It feels like such a relief to finally be here as every day that we are waiting we are aware that our little boy is in foster care and our life as a family is delayed.

I didn't really feel nervous ahead of panel as the views and support from the professionals around us has always suggested that its almost a done deal - that said once we were an hour away from the start of panel all of that changed and we were both feeling incredibly scared/vulnerable/anxious.

So we arrived at the placing LA's offices well ahead of time and found our way to the waiting room - the panel had already convened in the adjoining room and there was another couple ahead of us in the queue. They were called in by a member of the panel as one big group, including their various SW's; leaving us and our 3 SW's waiting. 45 minutes later they returned to the room and were celebrating - their match had been approved :-)

The same panel member returned to the room and called our SW's in. We were expecting for them to go in ahead of us as this is what had happened at our Approval Panel. The panel sometimes have sensitive questions that they would prefer to put to SW's rather than adopters directly and sometimes they need clarification on detail before they call in adopters. Each panel members would have been supplied with a copy of the matching report ahead of the day so it's likely individual members would also have questions for the SW's and for us directly.

After about 15 minutes we were called into the room. I hate awkwardness and silences so opened with a gag about how it looked like a UN Conference, my finance followed with a comment about the student SW in the corner being in the 'cheap seats'. It seemed to break the ice and created a 'Mexican Wave' of smiles from the very full room of people (there must have been no less than 20 in total).

Our SW had already passed the preperation resourses that we had made around the table for everyone to see (the talking Butterfly album, DVD and life-story book previously mentioned) so there were a few nice comments about these. The panel did have a few questions for us but they were by no means intrusive or pressing, and all really easy to answer things that we had expected. Questions along the lines of:

• What will you do if things don't work out with your dogs and the baby?
• Parental leave from work / Who is taking time off and how long?
• What is it about this particular child / Why do you think the match is the right one?

The last point we had prepared well for. My fiance had already created a well presented document outlining the needs of the child and how felt we meet them. We added personal photos next to each point to offer to further back up the statements we had made (i.e. photos of us visiting my finance's country of heritage featuring me in traditional dress vs. photos of my fiance with my family celebrating a traditional British Christmas etc). We felt the panel were satisfied with our answers and along with our SW's left the room whilst the panel reached a decision and were ready to present their recommendation (the matching panel make a recommendation which must then be officially signed off/accepted/rubber stamped by the agency decision maker before introductions can begin).

As we waited in the room (for what must have only been 2 minutes) our Family Finding SW gave a little wink to suggest it was all going to be OK and all 3 SW's were offering reassuring nods and glances to suggest they knew the outcome already (they must have all been here so many times before but you forget this then they are sharing the journey with you).

When we were called back in the room, the big smiles made it clear before the Panel Chairman spoke that it was good news. He said the match had been unanimously approved (YAY!!) and that they wanted to wish us all the best for our new life with our baby boy. It was just an amazing feeling, we were really going to be daddies and the beautiful boy we have cried watching on DVD's was going to be our very own son. I honestly never thought I would experience this as a gay man - what a special moment.

We can't leave the dogs overnight so it's the long drive home now but we'll be back here tomorrow to meet the team again, as well as the duty adoption manager and one of the foster carers to make plans for our introductions week which starts in just 1 week.

Note to readers: For anyone who has read my early posts as remembers my likening the adoption process to the X Factor, well this it is... vote lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified and I can now reveal that we have won the X Factor! Our 'Winners Single' will be out (or coming home) in just 2 weeks time!!

Preparing the Nursery

It feels like the calm before the storm at the moment as we wait eagerly for our matching panel appointment in just 2 weeks time and the exciting events which are set to follow.

A couple of weeks ago we became the proud owners of a pushchair - I can't tell you how strange it felt wheeling it empty out of the store. This was the first item we have bough of real value so it felt strangely symbolic and kind of cemented the fact that we are soon to be parents to a baby boy. Weird.

My brother is currently staying with us until the end of the month so we are on standby with the cot and other furniture, just itching to get started and turn our spare bedroom into a nursery. We have chosen some beautiful wall stickers from a company called Spin Collective (inset) which we plan to place on the sky blue painted chimney breast so he can see them from his cot as he drifts off to sleep.

Our paperwork for panel is all complete now and has been submitted. We have produced the talking photo album, DVD and a mini/child friendly adoption story to compliment the fuller life story work his Social Worker has prepared. All that we can do now is wait.

Last week we went along to the New Family Social Soho Drinks, it's always really nice to catch-up with fellow adopters and talk shop - sometimes when you are feeling a little stuck/in limbo or just wishing the weeks would go a little quicker we find these social drinks really help to keep us focused, inspired and and share our experiences.

And so the Stork continues to get closer. Now just two weeks to go until panel and the introductions planning meeting the following day, three weeks until we meet our son and four weeks until we bring him home!!

Note to readers: Thanks so much for reading my blog, I do hope you find it useful. If you are a regular reader please become a 'follower' on the right.

Child Appreciation Day

Today was our child appreciation day, though with our son being just 9 months old the day just consisted of 2 meetings. 'Appreciation Days' are generally a chance to meet with key figures in the child's life so far, so in some cases this might be the foster carers, health visitors, teachers and such.

Our first stop of the day was to meet the placing local authorities health advisor / Pediatrician to hear an update since his last check up at 6 months which took place yesterday. Whilst in the waiting room we both commented to the matching Social Worker who we attended with that it was strange to think that our little boy had been in this building just yesterday. It was a really great meeting, we had printed out a whole page of questions to ask and we were able to get reassurance and information straight away. In short, everything looks good, there are absolutely no health problems and he is on track and developing well - in some cases even advanced for his age with a keen interest in whats going on around him and a good attention span. 

Next we were off to the council offices to meet with our baby's SW, one of the foster carers, their SW and also the matching SW. I have to say this was a very emotional meeting - absolutely wonderful and made the whole things even more real but we were both fighting back a few tears. At one point early on the FC got a bit choked up and had to step out of the room, though on returning he assured us that they were tears of joy and he is just so happy that the little boy he has raised since birth is going to such a wonderful family and knew he was going to have a great life with us.

We feel so privileged that our little boy has been placed with such wonderful FC for the first 9 months of his life and this has enabled him to grow and develop in a loving and caring home without having witnessed any of the early life neglect and trauma etc that we know so many other adopted children were subject to and indeed our preparation course taught us about. My fiance said to the FC just how grateful we were to them for this love as it was just so clear how much they love him and also how hard it is going to be for them to let him go.

We were also delighted and really grateful to be given a new batch of photos of our baby today, he is just too cute, so lovey that the FC's have taken so many lovely snaps for us. They have also recorded a few home videos each month since he arrived at their place from the hospital so it's really nice that the 9 months we were not present for are all documented and we will be able to re-live his early life story with him as he grows up.

So we are on track... lots more dates in the diary now. We are going to panel in early November, assuming the match is approved we have a meeting the next day to plan the introduction week then a week later we start introductions and the following week our son will come home. It seems our wait for the Stork may nearly be over.

Butterflies & Penguins

Following our very positive visit from the placing LA and ahead of our matching panel date in early November we have homework... to prepare a couple of bits and pieces for our baby to see and play with during the time between panel and introductions to help him become familiar with our voices and faces.

The first thing is something that many adopters have used before and our SW highly recommended, it's the Tomy Talking Photo Album. This fun album can hold eight photos and a short voice message to accompany each, it lights up, plays a cute noise when you open and close it and has tactile page tabs. It's perfect for our little boy at 9 months as even thought he won't understand what we are saying he play with it and hear us over and over again.

The next item we were asked to prepare is a video message, and it's harder than you might think trying to make a video for a baby. What should we say? What should we do? I posted a message asking others who had done this before on the New Family Social message boards and received loads of really great ideas and inspiration. One kind adopter even went as far as to send us a copy of the DVD they had made previously which was just brilliant.

In the end we decided not to focus too much on making a suitable video for his age range and just to send something that had lots of colourful pictures in as well as our voices and faces so that it can just be left playing in the background and hopefully will just reinforce we he is hearing from the butterfly album.

So... our video package consists of us reading along 'And Tango Makes Three', a book we just love and actually bought back in February based on a true story of two male penguins in a New York zoo adopting a baby penguin. We start of with a little hello to camera and then turn the pages of the book whilst images from the pages also appear on screen as closeups. We decided to also buy a soft penguin toy so that we could hold it in the video and then give the DVD, book and the toy to the foster carers so that he can see the penguin on screen and play with it at the same time, plus the foster carer can also read along with the book making the whole experience more interactive for him.

One tip which we also received from another New Family Social member was to give the toy our scent before sending it so that he is familiar with our smell before meeting us and also, to wear the same clothes as worn in the video so everything is really familiar.

Homework now completed the next even in our diary is our 'child appreciation day' (of sorts) which we are really excited about as it's another step closer to panel. With slightly older children these days are a chance for adopters to meet key figures in the child's life, like the foster carers, doctors and maybe even teachers to get a full understanding of their character and to ask any questions etc - also for them to meet you. Though with a younger baby there are less people to meet so it will just be the foster carers and health advisor this time.

After this week we only have just over a month to panel... exciting times ahead. We are hopeful that introductions will start middle of November all going well and we might even welcome our little boy home by the end of November in time for his very first Christmas.