Intro Day 4: Our son sees his new home

We were glad to have a day off from the four hour drive today, but even happier that today is the first day our little one will come to his new home, see his nursery and meet his doggies!

Taking advice from our dog trainer we decided that the dogs should first meet the baby outside of the house in a mutual environment. When we got our second dog we employed this technique to introduce him as a puppy to our first dog and it seemed to work pretty well, so when the FC's arrived with our son we had planned for them to call us and we then took the boys (dogs) out on their leads and we all went to the nearby park together. When we returned Pappa carried the little fella around the house on a guided tour which included exciting trips to the garden and of course his new nursery which Pappa and I were both very proud of - though the little one seemed most interested in the kitchen, Typical!

The FC's popped out for a few hours to do some shopping and left us alone. This was a really important part of the introduction planning meeting last week because our son will see that his FC's have left him with us in our home and are happy for him to be here - baby psycology!

While they were gone we played, had lunch and then it was time for a nap. It was so lovely to see our baby son sleeping for the first time in his new cot - just amazing to lay him down in his new nursery... a good chance to test out our new baby monitor too! Of course we kept peeping through the door every few minutes like proud parents watching him sleep. He woke just as the Fc's returned and we attempted to feed him dinner but it wasn't happening - he was refusing to eat. 

One of the most apparent things (and I'm sure other adopters of babies will have found this too) about adopting a very young child who is not yet talking is that we need to learn his language/signs/signals which the FC's have known having him from birth. He is a very content little boy and never cries for no reason, but it's a case of finding out what each type of cry means by process of elimination. If he's been fed, had a bottle, been changed, had a nap and is still crying then it may be time to worry but usually one of the latter seems to do the trick!

Intro Day 3: Visiting Santa

Today was our first full day with our son - just the three of us. We started off by visiting a local park to feed the ducks and then made a really memorable trip to see Santa (who happened to have stopped by a nearby garden centre, which was lucky). I have to say this was really emotional for both Pappa and I - I had so far  managed to hold in any tears at matching panel and even on the first meeting our boy, but carrying our son into a magical grotto to see Santa for his very first Christmas managed to break me! As we entered the grotto with all of the other families it struck me that we were now a family and we were taking our son to see Santa just like the other parents. It was such a lovely experience, we wrote a letter to Santa, made Reindeer food, sang Jingle Bells with the Elves and of course got a present and had our photo taken with Santa.

Pappa and I had a look around the garden centre while the little man had a nap and then we all had lunch in the cafe. Heating up baby jars and feeding a baby in public didn't seem like too much trouble, but changing a baby in a public toilet is another story. Pappa took the little one off one his own while I sat with the shopping and was gone for quite some time. About 20 minutes later a very flustered Pappa and son reappeared. Having changed him myself since in a similar situation I can testify its hard work, not helped by the terrible design and layout of so called 'baby changing areas'. Those pull down changing tables seriously need a re-think! There is seldom anywhere to rest your nappy bags, wet wipes, cream and some of the worse places don't even have a strap to secure the baby so it's very much a juggling act.

We returned to the FC's late afternoon to feed and change our son before enjoying a first bath time with him there. After putting him into one of his adorable baby grows and settling him down for bed we left - just time to send another round of photos and messages to family and friends.

Intro Day 2: Parent & Child Parking

We woke at 5:30am in order to reach the FC's house by 9am today. After such a lovely first day we were looking forward to spending some more time with our new son and gradually phasing into his life over the next week. He was already dressed when we arrived but we were able to feed him breakfast - he loves the little jars of baby porridge - and loves to cover us in it too!

We took the new stroller we had bought with us so that we could get him used to it and use it on any outings during the week. Just as well, because seeing that the meetings were going well and feeling pleased with the clear connection we both felt to our son straight away the FC's suggested that we take him out for an hour or so. Of course we were delighted to have our first alone. We followed the FC in our car and first went to Mothercare to have the fitting of our car seat checked over (I followed the You Tube tutorial but we wanted to have it checked given our previous new cargo), it was great to finally be able to park in the 'Parent & Child' parking spots too!

So after a little look around the shops and buying a few gifts for Christmas together we returned to the FC's house, learnt more about his day to day routine (nappy changes / feeding / sleeping etc) and lefts after loads more kisses and cuddles.

Meeting Our Son: Introductions Begin!

So after weeks of waiting, watching and re-watching DVD's sent by the foster carers and studying the same photos over and over the day finally came to meet our son...

As per our 'Introduction Planning Meeting', our first day was supposed to be a quick visit for around an hour - though in reality I'm sure all the Social Workers (SW's) realise that any parent meeting their child for the first time is never going to leave after just 60 minutes(?!), after waiting for that precious life-changing moment for such a long time.

After recording a little video message on our phone to capture our excitement during the car journey, Pappa and I arrived  at the foster carers (FC's) home just before 12pm and met our son's SW outside - she wasn't actually supposed to be present as the  FC's SW was scheduled to be present but she couldn't resist seeing him meet his new daddies having real affection for him and when we caught that first glimpse of him it's easy to understand why - he's such a cutie he melts the hearts of everyone who meets him.

Opening the door to the lounge the FC's were seated on the sofa alongside their FC, we looked down and there he was; just laying on his front playing with a toy our little prince looked so content watching a show on the television. It's a strange feeling sharing such a momentous moment with 2 FC's and 2 SW's but you have to almost forget they are watching you in order to enjoy that precious moment. I couldn't quite believe it was finally happening.

We both sat down on the floor beside him, called out his name and stroked his back and his little head - he was even smaller than we thought he would be. Just adorable. After a few minutes, and a welcome prompt from one of the FC's I picked him up in my arms. Within moments he turned around to me and nestled his head into my neck, then as I started rocking him and slowing stroking his back his eyes started to close and he fell asleep on his new Daddy. I sat in an armchair and he stayed asleep on me for a good hour.

Whilst he was sleeping the SW's left, suggested that we also leave once he wakes up (sure!). When he did finally wake up I passed the little fella to his Pappa (still waiting for his first cuddle) who was waiting with a bottle for him. He must have been hungry as he began feeding straight away in Pappa's arms - such an amazing sight seeing the two most important men in my life together for the first time.

The FC played the DVD that we had made for him to watch all of last week to become familiar with our voices as as soon as the music started playing he turned his head - it had obviously done it's job! After a little playing on the carpet with the little man we said goodbye for the day and headed off home looking forward to returning the next morning for a little longer. Time to send photos to our friends and relatives who were all on standby for news of our first meeting.

Planning Introductions

After such fantastic news neither of us could sleep following panel, I think I got 2 hours before we had to wake up and head back to the placing LA offices for our meeting to plan next weeks introductions.

We were early again which was fine as we had time to get breakfast on the way in with our SW. On arrival we met up with our sons foster carer in reception who was full of lovely little stories about what our boy had been up to the day before and how he's doing (he has two teeth already).

So, today's meeting was to look ahead to next weeks introductions where we will finally meet our son and to draw up a schedule for his transition from living with his foster carers to coming home with us. Leading the meeting was the Manager of the placing LA's adoption team, the Family Finding SW and of course us, our SW, our sons SW, the foster carer and his SW. It was decided that introductions will last exactly a week, starting next week with the first visit lasting just an hour or so. A meeting with our sons birth mother and a mid-way review were also scheduled.

At the meeting we played the DVD we had made for everyone to see which was met with high praise - along with the talking photo album this will be taken home by the foster carer for our son to see so that he can become familiar with our voices and faces ahead of next week. It was also suggested that we wear the same outfits we had worn in the DVD (should have thought more about this before we wore shorts on the sunniest day in September - hope its decent weather next week!!).

After the meeting we swapped contact details with the foster carer. It was lovely to receive an email later in the afternoon telling us that our son was having a nap - moments like this really are so precious when all we can think about is that first cuddle with our baby next week. We received a new DVD from the foster carers recently also in which our boy is having his bottle before bed, as his heavy eyes close and he drifts off to sleep the foster carers tells him how many days are left until he meets his new daddies(!) This was just such a wonderful thing for us to hear and a great thing to look back on with our son as part of his life story in the years that will follow.

Right... time to paint the nursery!

Officially Daddies

And so after weeks of sleepless nights and crossing off the days in my diary we finally awoke to Matching Panel Day. It feels like such a relief to finally be here as every day that we are waiting we are aware that our little boy is in foster care and our life as a family is delayed.

I didn't really feel nervous ahead of panel as the views and support from the professionals around us has always suggested that its almost a done deal - that said once we were an hour away from the start of panel all of that changed and we were both feeling incredibly scared/vulnerable/anxious.

So we arrived at the placing LA's offices well ahead of time and found our way to the waiting room - the panel had already convened in the adjoining room and there was another couple ahead of us in the queue. They were called in by a member of the panel as one big group, including their various SW's; leaving us and our 3 SW's waiting. 45 minutes later they returned to the room and were celebrating - their match had been approved :-)

The same panel member returned to the room and called our SW's in. We were expecting for them to go in ahead of us as this is what had happened at our Approval Panel. The panel sometimes have sensitive questions that they would prefer to put to SW's rather than adopters directly and sometimes they need clarification on detail before they call in adopters. Each panel members would have been supplied with a copy of the matching report ahead of the day so it's likely individual members would also have questions for the SW's and for us directly.

After about 15 minutes we were called into the room. I hate awkwardness and silences so opened with a gag about how it looked like a UN Conference, my finance followed with a comment about the student SW in the corner being in the 'cheap seats'. It seemed to break the ice and created a 'Mexican Wave' of smiles from the very full room of people (there must have been no less than 20 in total).

Our SW had already passed the preperation resourses that we had made around the table for everyone to see (the talking Butterfly album, DVD and life-story book previously mentioned) so there were a few nice comments about these. The panel did have a few questions for us but they were by no means intrusive or pressing, and all really easy to answer things that we had expected. Questions along the lines of:

• What will you do if things don't work out with your dogs and the baby?
• Parental leave from work / Who is taking time off and how long?
• What is it about this particular child / Why do you think the match is the right one?

The last point we had prepared well for. My fiance had already created a well presented document outlining the needs of the child and how felt we meet them. We added personal photos next to each point to offer to further back up the statements we had made (i.e. photos of us visiting my finance's country of heritage featuring me in traditional dress vs. photos of my fiance with my family celebrating a traditional British Christmas etc). We felt the panel were satisfied with our answers and along with our SW's left the room whilst the panel reached a decision and were ready to present their recommendation (the matching panel make a recommendation which must then be officially signed off/accepted/rubber stamped by the agency decision maker before introductions can begin).

As we waited in the room (for what must have only been 2 minutes) our Family Finding SW gave a little wink to suggest it was all going to be OK and all 3 SW's were offering reassuring nods and glances to suggest they knew the outcome already (they must have all been here so many times before but you forget this then they are sharing the journey with you).

When we were called back in the room, the big smiles made it clear before the Panel Chairman spoke that it was good news. He said the match had been unanimously approved (YAY!!) and that they wanted to wish us all the best for our new life with our baby boy. It was just an amazing feeling, we were really going to be daddies and the beautiful boy we have cried watching on DVD's was going to be our very own son. I honestly never thought I would experience this as a gay man - what a special moment.

We can't leave the dogs overnight so it's the long drive home now but we'll be back here tomorrow to meet the team again, as well as the duty adoption manager and one of the foster carers to make plans for our introductions week which starts in just 1 week.

Note to readers: For anyone who has read my early posts as remembers my likening the adoption process to the X Factor, well this it is... vote lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified and I can now reveal that we have won the X Factor! Our 'Winners Single' will be out (or coming home) in just 2 weeks time!!

Preparing the Nursery

It feels like the calm before the storm at the moment as we wait eagerly for our matching panel appointment in just 2 weeks time and the exciting events which are set to follow.

A couple of weeks ago we became the proud owners of a pushchair - I can't tell you how strange it felt wheeling it empty out of the store. This was the first item we have bough of real value so it felt strangely symbolic and kind of cemented the fact that we are soon to be parents to a baby boy. Weird.

My brother is currently staying with us until the end of the month so we are on standby with the cot and other furniture, just itching to get started and turn our spare bedroom into a nursery. We have chosen some beautiful wall stickers from a company called Spin Collective (inset) which we plan to place on the sky blue painted chimney breast so he can see them from his cot as he drifts off to sleep.

Our paperwork for panel is all complete now and has been submitted. We have produced the talking photo album, DVD and a mini/child friendly adoption story to compliment the fuller life story work his Social Worker has prepared. All that we can do now is wait.

Last week we went along to the New Family Social Soho Drinks, it's always really nice to catch-up with fellow adopters and talk shop - sometimes when you are feeling a little stuck/in limbo or just wishing the weeks would go a little quicker we find these social drinks really help to keep us focused, inspired and and share our experiences.

And so the Stork continues to get closer. Now just two weeks to go until panel and the introductions planning meeting the following day, three weeks until we meet our son and four weeks until we bring him home!!

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Child Appreciation Day

Today was our child appreciation day, though with our son being just 9 months old the day just consisted of 2 meetings. 'Appreciation Days' are generally a chance to meet with key figures in the child's life so far, so in some cases this might be the foster carers, health visitors, teachers and such.

Our first stop of the day was to meet the placing local authorities health advisor / Pediatrician to hear an update since his last check up at 6 months which took place yesterday. Whilst in the waiting room we both commented to the matching Social Worker who we attended with that it was strange to think that our little boy had been in this building just yesterday. It was a really great meeting, we had printed out a whole page of questions to ask and we were able to get reassurance and information straight away. In short, everything looks good, there are absolutely no health problems and he is on track and developing well - in some cases even advanced for his age with a keen interest in whats going on around him and a good attention span. 

Next we were off to the council offices to meet with our baby's SW, one of the foster carers, their SW and also the matching SW. I have to say this was a very emotional meeting - absolutely wonderful and made the whole things even more real but we were both fighting back a few tears. At one point early on the FC got a bit choked up and had to step out of the room, though on returning he assured us that they were tears of joy and he is just so happy that the little boy he has raised since birth is going to such a wonderful family and knew he was going to have a great life with us.

We feel so privileged that our little boy has been placed with such wonderful FC for the first 9 months of his life and this has enabled him to grow and develop in a loving and caring home without having witnessed any of the early life neglect and trauma etc that we know so many other adopted children were subject to and indeed our preparation course taught us about. My fiance said to the FC just how grateful we were to them for this love as it was just so clear how much they love him and also how hard it is going to be for them to let him go.

We were also delighted and really grateful to be given a new batch of photos of our baby today, he is just too cute, so lovey that the FC's have taken so many lovely snaps for us. They have also recorded a few home videos each month since he arrived at their place from the hospital so it's really nice that the 9 months we were not present for are all documented and we will be able to re-live his early life story with him as he grows up.

So we are on track... lots more dates in the diary now. We are going to panel in early November, assuming the match is approved we have a meeting the next day to plan the introduction week then a week later we start introductions and the following week our son will come home. It seems our wait for the Stork may nearly be over.

Butterflies & Penguins

Following our very positive visit from the placing LA and ahead of our matching panel date in early November we have homework... to prepare a couple of bits and pieces for our baby to see and play with during the time between panel and introductions to help him become familiar with our voices and faces.

The first thing is something that many adopters have used before and our SW highly recommended, it's the Tomy Talking Photo Album. This fun album can hold eight photos and a short voice message to accompany each, it lights up, plays a cute noise when you open and close it and has tactile page tabs. It's perfect for our little boy at 9 months as even thought he won't understand what we are saying he play with it and hear us over and over again.

The next item we were asked to prepare is a video message, and it's harder than you might think trying to make a video for a baby. What should we say? What should we do? I posted a message asking others who had done this before on the New Family Social message boards and received loads of really great ideas and inspiration. One kind adopter even went as far as to send us a copy of the DVD they had made previously which was just brilliant.

In the end we decided not to focus too much on making a suitable video for his age range and just to send something that had lots of colourful pictures in as well as our voices and faces so that it can just be left playing in the background and hopefully will just reinforce we he is hearing from the butterfly album.

So... our video package consists of us reading along 'And Tango Makes Three', a book we just love and actually bought back in February based on a true story of two male penguins in a New York zoo adopting a baby penguin. We start of with a little hello to camera and then turn the pages of the book whilst images from the pages also appear on screen as closeups. We decided to also buy a soft penguin toy so that we could hold it in the video and then give the DVD, book and the toy to the foster carers so that he can see the penguin on screen and play with it at the same time, plus the foster carer can also read along with the book making the whole experience more interactive for him.

One tip which we also received from another New Family Social member was to give the toy our scent before sending it so that he is familiar with our smell before meeting us and also, to wear the same clothes as worn in the video so everything is really familiar.

Homework now completed the next even in our diary is our 'child appreciation day' (of sorts) which we are really excited about as it's another step closer to panel. With slightly older children these days are a chance for adopters to meet key figures in the child's life, like the foster carers, doctors and maybe even teachers to get a full understanding of their character and to ask any questions etc - also for them to meet you. Though with a younger baby there are less people to meet so it will just be the foster carers and health advisor this time.

After this week we only have just over a month to panel... exciting times ahead. We are hopeful that introductions will start middle of November all going well and we might even welcome our little boy home by the end of November in time for his very first Christmas.

The Stork Is Getting Closer...

This morning we had a home visit from the placing Local Authority. After answering a couple of their questions and asking a few of our own we gave a short tour of our home, pointed out our plans for a nursery and chatted more about the baby's health/background/birth family history.

They seemed very openly positive about the match and so our Social Worker asked if they had already reached a decision and if they were able to tell us there and then. They had and they were... they said there and then that they wanted to go ahead with the match! We were both a little overwhelmed at just what that meant. We are going to be parents and there is a beautiful baby boy waiting to be our son! They had brought a short DVD with them for us to watch... it was just surreal, for the very first time we sat and watched our baby moving on the TV screen. Crazy.

Our Social Worker was quick to enquire about dates for matching panel and to make a plan for the next steps and it seems they already had a timeframe in mind - almost as though they knew we were the right family before the met us in person. Our little boy is just 8 months old so they are keen to have him with his 'forever family' ahead of his first Christmas and birthday in January - OMG... how exciting. This is the most wonderful Christmas present we could have wished for!

So a matching panel date is set for early November, with a post-panel planning meeting the next day and introduction dates will be scheduled to begin a weeks after, meaning he should be with us by the end of November. We can't quite believe we only began our prop group training in January; just five day after our baby was born.

I would like to take this opportunity to say a HUGE thank you to our Social Worker and the team at Ealing Council's Child Placement team who have all been so amazing and made our adoption journey so far very slick and professional.

Wow... So much to plan for now!