Intro Day 7: Final day of Intros

To day was the last day of introductions and luckily we didn't have to do the drive in the morning this time and the FC's brought our baby to us - again part of the 'baby psychology' plan. They were due at our place at 11am, but arrived a little earlier so as I was taking out the rubbish bags I was greeted by the FC carrying my little boy down the path in a carry cot, "Here's you're little Prince" they announced. They didn't stay as the plan for for us to return him late afternoon for the last time before returning tomorrow morning for the big handover.

After lunch the three of us took the dogs for a little walk and came home for a more relaxed afternoon than the previous days we had spent out and about. We watched cartoons, played with the dogs and some of his toys on the new rug we had bought for the lounge floor ('Anti-slip' socks have also been bought to avoid any accidents as he learns to walk on our laminate floors).

After a little nap in his nursery it was time to hit the road. On top of the usual two hour drive to return our son to his FC's this evening we were hampered with an additional hour of heavy traffic which meant the little fella had done five hours of driving today. When we arrived we changed him and dressed him for bed quickly before leaving. All week we had been taking car loads of his clothes, toys and other belongings with us and on leaving tonight we also took with us the last of his things, leaving only what he required over night so that tomorrows handover could be as quick as possible.

Tomorrow we will collect our son and bring him home forever... as a 'forever family'.

Intro Day 6: Hickory Dickory Dock

So today was the day that was supposed to be our 'day off' - a rare thing in the land of parenting I'm sure and maybe something that in a weeks time we will want back! I Joke.

We arrived at the FC's home for around 9am and our little prince was still asleep having gone back for a nap after his breakfast. We waited for about an hour and then decided it was time to give him a nudge and say hello. He is such a joy in the mornings, even when woken he greets you with a lovely smile.

Once woken, changed and dressed the three of us set off for a day of Christmas shopping. We had a really lovely day with our son, looking for a few remaining Christmas gifts for his new Nana and Uncle who both can't wait to meet him. We are looking forward to visiting my family so much this year and spending our baby's first ever Christmas with them - it's going to be so special for everyone.

We had lunch in the food court and this time it was my turn to experience the horror of juggling a baby, nappy and wet-wipes in a baby changing room... not fun.

With all of the gifts checked off the list we stopped by HMV looking for some baby friendly music for the car as becoming a parent makes you take more notie of song lyrics. A week ago I would have been singing along to Cover Drive's "Lick Ya Down" with the best of them, but I was appalled when it came on during a trip to the park yesterday. So with "The Wheels on the Bus" pumping out some 'phatt beatz' we set off back to the FC's home to return our little man for the day. 

A really cute moment on the way home... "Hickory Dickory Dock" came on and suddenly our little boy (who hadn't been that impressed by "10 Current Buns" or "Miss Polly had a Dolly") screamed with laughter and chuckled to himself for the duration of the song. Needless to say we stuck it on repeat and filmed the whole thing on our iPhones to send to the family (and show his mates when he's 21)!

A good day. 

Intro Day 5: Meeting Birth Mother

Today was the half way stage of our introductions and involved two important meetings. We arrived at the Foster Carers (FC)'s home for around 11am and took our boy out for the morning to the local park again to feed the ducks but had to return after just a couple of hours for our 'half-way review' meeting.

Present at this meeting were all the same people who had been at the initial 'introduction planning' meeting, bar our SW who didn't need to be there unless we had raised any concerns with her during the days so far - which we hadn't. The purpose of this meeting was for the Duty Manager from the placing authority to hear from our sons SW, his FC's and also the family finding SW on how the days so far had gone and what we had been up to. Of course the photo of the three of us visiting Santa was proudly presented along with our excited tales of everything we had done so far.

The FC's and ourselves had been in agreement from day two that we felt the intros could really do with being cut short a day (if nothing else to save our baby from another unnecessary four hour car journey) and our SW was in agreement given things had been going well. However the Duty Manager was not on the same page and didn't agree to this plan, unless anyone had a good reason to put forward - I did (I thought). Tomorrow was originally planned to be a 'day off' (from parenting?!) but we had since said we thought this was silly after spending five days phasing into his little life and they had agreed to let us spend time with him tomorrow. So given we were doing an extra day, that in our minds seemed reason enough to bring the final day forward... but alas it wasn't to be, and Thursday would go ahead as planned. Never mind - we would still be bringing our little prince home in just three days!

An hour later, our next meeting was the big one - meeting our sons birth Mother (BM). We followed two SW's in our own car to the meeting place, all the way thinking how this single meeting would be something we needed to remember every detail of to recount to our little one as he grows up, and how it woulds play such a key moment in our new family history.

We had prepared as much as we could for the meeting, drawing up a list of questions which we thought our son might want to ask himself. He has really great life-story work prepared by his SW's team, answering more serious and fundamental questions about family health issues / reasons for adoption etc. so we wanted to ask things that might not be answered, which he may ask us over the years to come. We asked things like "What hand do you write with?", "What's you're favourite colour?" etc etc. Silly things but things that he way want to know.

All week we were unsure if the meeting would actually go ahead as we had been told to prepare for it being cancelled if the team had news that BM had pulled out. As we sat in the children's centre waiting for her to arrive we were still not sure if she would show up, but 20 minutes late we heard the door go and footsteps followed. We were both so so nervous - do we stand to greet her, is shaking her hand to formal when she is responsible for giving us the most precious gift in the world? 

A hug seemed to familiar, so on the SW's advice we opted for the handshake and sat opposite her. Before her arrival I had asked the SW's what structure the meeting would take and checked that one of them would take a lead and introduce us to each other. We decided not to share our names with her for security purposes and instead introduced ourselves as Daddy and Pappa. The details of the short meeting (about 15-20 minutes) I'll save for a personal letter to our little boy to read in time but we got answers to all of the questions we asked and finished with a lovely photo of the three of us sat together - all smiling. And really it's this photo that Pappa and I wanted most out of the meeting, so that we can tell our boy quite honestly in the years to come that his BM met with us and is really happy that he is our son; because in her words; we are able to give him the life that she cannot.

A happy ending to the day and a strange feeling of relief as we drove home having had the last meeting.

Intro Day 4: Our son sees his new home

We were glad to have a day off from the four hour drive today, but even happier that today is the first day our little one will come to his new home, see his nursery and meet his doggies!

Taking advice from our dog trainer we decided that the dogs should first meet the baby outside of the house in a mutual environment. When we got our second dog we employed this technique to introduce him as a puppy to our first dog and it seemed to work pretty well, so when the FC's arrived with our son we had planned for them to call us and we then took the boys (dogs) out on their leads and we all went to the nearby park together. When we returned Pappa carried the little fella around the house on a guided tour which included exciting trips to the garden and of course his new nursery which Pappa and I were both very proud of - though the little one seemed most interested in the kitchen, Typical!

The FC's popped out for a few hours to do some shopping and left us alone. This was a really important part of the introduction planning meeting last week because our son will see that his FC's have left him with us in our home and are happy for him to be here - baby psycology!

While they were gone we played, had lunch and then it was time for a nap. It was so lovely to see our baby son sleeping for the first time in his new cot - just amazing to lay him down in his new nursery... a good chance to test out our new baby monitor too! Of course we kept peeping through the door every few minutes like proud parents watching him sleep. He woke just as the Fc's returned and we attempted to feed him dinner but it wasn't happening - he was refusing to eat. 

One of the most apparent things (and I'm sure other adopters of babies will have found this too) about adopting a very young child who is not yet talking is that we need to learn his language/signs/signals which the FC's have known having him from birth. He is a very content little boy and never cries for no reason, but it's a case of finding out what each type of cry means by process of elimination. If he's been fed, had a bottle, been changed, had a nap and is still crying then it may be time to worry but usually one of the latter seems to do the trick!

Intro Day 3: Visiting Santa

Today was our first full day with our son - just the three of us. We started off by visiting a local park to feed the ducks and then made a really memorable trip to see Santa (who happened to have stopped by a nearby garden centre, which was lucky). I have to say this was really emotional for both Pappa and I - I had so far  managed to hold in any tears at matching panel and even on the first meeting our boy, but carrying our son into a magical grotto to see Santa for his very first Christmas managed to break me! As we entered the grotto with all of the other families it struck me that we were now a family and we were taking our son to see Santa just like the other parents. It was such a lovely experience, we wrote a letter to Santa, made Reindeer food, sang Jingle Bells with the Elves and of course got a present and had our photo taken with Santa.

Pappa and I had a look around the garden centre while the little man had a nap and then we all had lunch in the cafe. Heating up baby jars and feeding a baby in public didn't seem like too much trouble, but changing a baby in a public toilet is another story. Pappa took the little one off one his own while I sat with the shopping and was gone for quite some time. About 20 minutes later a very flustered Pappa and son reappeared. Having changed him myself since in a similar situation I can testify its hard work, not helped by the terrible design and layout of so called 'baby changing areas'. Those pull down changing tables seriously need a re-think! There is seldom anywhere to rest your nappy bags, wet wipes, cream and some of the worse places don't even have a strap to secure the baby so it's very much a juggling act.

We returned to the FC's late afternoon to feed and change our son before enjoying a first bath time with him there. After putting him into one of his adorable baby grows and settling him down for bed we left - just time to send another round of photos and messages to family and friends.

Intro Day 2: Parent & Child Parking

We woke at 5:30am in order to reach the FC's house by 9am today. After such a lovely first day we were looking forward to spending some more time with our new son and gradually phasing into his life over the next week. He was already dressed when we arrived but we were able to feed him breakfast - he loves the little jars of baby porridge - and loves to cover us in it too!

We took the new stroller we had bought with us so that we could get him used to it and use it on any outings during the week. Just as well, because seeing that the meetings were going well and feeling pleased with the clear connection we both felt to our son straight away the FC's suggested that we take him out for an hour or so. Of course we were delighted to have our first alone. We followed the FC in our car and first went to Mothercare to have the fitting of our car seat checked over (I followed the You Tube tutorial but we wanted to have it checked given our previous new cargo), it was great to finally be able to park in the 'Parent & Child' parking spots too!

So after a little look around the shops and buying a few gifts for Christmas together we returned to the FC's house, learnt more about his day to day routine (nappy changes / feeding / sleeping etc) and lefts after loads more kisses and cuddles.

Meeting Our Son: Introductions Begin!

So after weeks of waiting, watching and re-watching DVD's sent by the foster carers and studying the same photos over and over the day finally came to meet our son...

As per our 'Introduction Planning Meeting', our first day was supposed to be a quick visit for around an hour - though in reality I'm sure all the Social Workers (SW's) realise that any parent meeting their child for the first time is never going to leave after just 60 minutes(?!), after waiting for that precious life-changing moment for such a long time.

After recording a little video message on our phone to capture our excitement during the car journey, Pappa and I arrived  at the foster carers (FC's) home just before 12pm and met our son's SW outside - she wasn't actually supposed to be present as the  FC's SW was scheduled to be present but she couldn't resist seeing him meet his new daddies having real affection for him and when we caught that first glimpse of him it's easy to understand why - he's such a cutie he melts the hearts of everyone who meets him.

Opening the door to the lounge the FC's were seated on the sofa alongside their FC, we looked down and there he was; just laying on his front playing with a toy our little prince looked so content watching a show on the television. It's a strange feeling sharing such a momentous moment with 2 FC's and 2 SW's but you have to almost forget they are watching you in order to enjoy that precious moment. I couldn't quite believe it was finally happening.

We both sat down on the floor beside him, called out his name and stroked his back and his little head - he was even smaller than we thought he would be. Just adorable. After a few minutes, and a welcome prompt from one of the FC's I picked him up in my arms. Within moments he turned around to me and nestled his head into my neck, then as I started rocking him and slowing stroking his back his eyes started to close and he fell asleep on his new Daddy. I sat in an armchair and he stayed asleep on me for a good hour.

Whilst he was sleeping the SW's left, suggested that we also leave once he wakes up (sure!). When he did finally wake up I passed the little fella to his Pappa (still waiting for his first cuddle) who was waiting with a bottle for him. He must have been hungry as he began feeding straight away in Pappa's arms - such an amazing sight seeing the two most important men in my life together for the first time.

The FC played the DVD that we had made for him to watch all of last week to become familiar with our voices as as soon as the music started playing he turned his head - it had obviously done it's job! After a little playing on the carpet with the little man we said goodbye for the day and headed off home looking forward to returning the next morning for a little longer. Time to send photos to our friends and relatives who were all on standby for news of our first meeting.

Planning Introductions

After such fantastic news neither of us could sleep following panel, I think I got 2 hours before we had to wake up and head back to the placing LA offices for our meeting to plan next weeks introductions.

We were early again which was fine as we had time to get breakfast on the way in with our SW. On arrival we met up with our sons foster carer in reception who was full of lovely little stories about what our boy had been up to the day before and how he's doing (he has two teeth already).

So, today's meeting was to look ahead to next weeks introductions where we will finally meet our son and to draw up a schedule for his transition from living with his foster carers to coming home with us. Leading the meeting was the Manager of the placing LA's adoption team, the Family Finding SW and of course us, our SW, our sons SW, the foster carer and his SW. It was decided that introductions will last exactly a week, starting next week with the first visit lasting just an hour or so. A meeting with our sons birth mother and a mid-way review were also scheduled.

At the meeting we played the DVD we had made for everyone to see which was met with high praise - along with the talking photo album this will be taken home by the foster carer for our son to see so that he can become familiar with our voices and faces ahead of next week. It was also suggested that we wear the same outfits we had worn in the DVD (should have thought more about this before we wore shorts on the sunniest day in September - hope its decent weather next week!!).

After the meeting we swapped contact details with the foster carer. It was lovely to receive an email later in the afternoon telling us that our son was having a nap - moments like this really are so precious when all we can think about is that first cuddle with our baby next week. We received a new DVD from the foster carers recently also in which our boy is having his bottle before bed, as his heavy eyes close and he drifts off to sleep the foster carers tells him how many days are left until he meets his new daddies(!) This was just such a wonderful thing for us to hear and a great thing to look back on with our son as part of his life story in the years that will follow.

Right... time to paint the nursery!

Officially Daddies

And so after weeks of sleepless nights and crossing off the days in my diary we finally awoke to Matching Panel Day. It feels like such a relief to finally be here as every day that we are waiting we are aware that our little boy is in foster care and our life as a family is delayed.

I didn't really feel nervous ahead of panel as the views and support from the professionals around us has always suggested that its almost a done deal - that said once we were an hour away from the start of panel all of that changed and we were both feeling incredibly scared/vulnerable/anxious.

So we arrived at the placing LA's offices well ahead of time and found our way to the waiting room - the panel had already convened in the adjoining room and there was another couple ahead of us in the queue. They were called in by a member of the panel as one big group, including their various SW's; leaving us and our 3 SW's waiting. 45 minutes later they returned to the room and were celebrating - their match had been approved :-)

The same panel member returned to the room and called our SW's in. We were expecting for them to go in ahead of us as this is what had happened at our Approval Panel. The panel sometimes have sensitive questions that they would prefer to put to SW's rather than adopters directly and sometimes they need clarification on detail before they call in adopters. Each panel members would have been supplied with a copy of the matching report ahead of the day so it's likely individual members would also have questions for the SW's and for us directly.

After about 15 minutes we were called into the room. I hate awkwardness and silences so opened with a gag about how it looked like a UN Conference, my finance followed with a comment about the student SW in the corner being in the 'cheap seats'. It seemed to break the ice and created a 'Mexican Wave' of smiles from the very full room of people (there must have been no less than 20 in total).

Our SW had already passed the preperation resourses that we had made around the table for everyone to see (the talking Butterfly album, DVD and life-story book previously mentioned) so there were a few nice comments about these. The panel did have a few questions for us but they were by no means intrusive or pressing, and all really easy to answer things that we had expected. Questions along the lines of:

• What will you do if things don't work out with your dogs and the baby?
• Parental leave from work / Who is taking time off and how long?
• What is it about this particular child / Why do you think the match is the right one?

The last point we had prepared well for. My fiance had already created a well presented document outlining the needs of the child and how felt we meet them. We added personal photos next to each point to offer to further back up the statements we had made (i.e. photos of us visiting my finance's country of heritage featuring me in traditional dress vs. photos of my fiance with my family celebrating a traditional British Christmas etc). We felt the panel were satisfied with our answers and along with our SW's left the room whilst the panel reached a decision and were ready to present their recommendation (the matching panel make a recommendation which must then be officially signed off/accepted/rubber stamped by the agency decision maker before introductions can begin).

As we waited in the room (for what must have only been 2 minutes) our Family Finding SW gave a little wink to suggest it was all going to be OK and all 3 SW's were offering reassuring nods and glances to suggest they knew the outcome already (they must have all been here so many times before but you forget this then they are sharing the journey with you).

When we were called back in the room, the big smiles made it clear before the Panel Chairman spoke that it was good news. He said the match had been unanimously approved (YAY!!) and that they wanted to wish us all the best for our new life with our baby boy. It was just an amazing feeling, we were really going to be daddies and the beautiful boy we have cried watching on DVD's was going to be our very own son. I honestly never thought I would experience this as a gay man - what a special moment.

We can't leave the dogs overnight so it's the long drive home now but we'll be back here tomorrow to meet the team again, as well as the duty adoption manager and one of the foster carers to make plans for our introductions week which starts in just 1 week.

Note to readers: For anyone who has read my early posts as remembers my likening the adoption process to the X Factor, well this it is... vote lines are closed, the votes have been counted and verified and I can now reveal that we have won the X Factor! Our 'Winners Single' will be out (or coming home) in just 2 weeks time!!

Preparing the Nursery

It feels like the calm before the storm at the moment as we wait eagerly for our matching panel appointment in just 2 weeks time and the exciting events which are set to follow.

A couple of weeks ago we became the proud owners of a pushchair - I can't tell you how strange it felt wheeling it empty out of the store. This was the first item we have bough of real value so it felt strangely symbolic and kind of cemented the fact that we are soon to be parents to a baby boy. Weird.

My brother is currently staying with us until the end of the month so we are on standby with the cot and other furniture, just itching to get started and turn our spare bedroom into a nursery. We have chosen some beautiful wall stickers from a company called Spin Collective (inset) which we plan to place on the sky blue painted chimney breast so he can see them from his cot as he drifts off to sleep.

Our paperwork for panel is all complete now and has been submitted. We have produced the talking photo album, DVD and a mini/child friendly adoption story to compliment the fuller life story work his Social Worker has prepared. All that we can do now is wait.

Last week we went along to the New Family Social Soho Drinks, it's always really nice to catch-up with fellow adopters and talk shop - sometimes when you are feeling a little stuck/in limbo or just wishing the weeks would go a little quicker we find these social drinks really help to keep us focused, inspired and and share our experiences.

And so the Stork continues to get closer. Now just two weeks to go until panel and the introductions planning meeting the following day, three weeks until we meet our son and four weeks until we bring him home!!

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